Hot Peppers

WARNING! this post is just a little bit naughty

The mailman brought me a present today. My first seed catalogue arrived. It’s from Shumways and there are over thirty pages of beautiful black and white engravings. I’m considering papering a room with it when I’m done.

The descriptions are mouthwatering and the names are fun. “Jumbo Elephant, Dwarf Blue Curled, Fat ‘N Sassy, Dragon Tongue, Big Bertha, Howling Mob, Topsy Turvy and Burpee’s Big Boy. But, my favorite is called the Red Peter Pepper. It's described as being "shaped like a mini peter" and being so realistic that it might “shock the prudish.”

The most frequently touted virtues are tender, sweet, vigorous and delicious. My fingers twitch with the urge to press seeds into soil, and grow these virtuous vegetables. Unfortunately my garden is sleeping under a fluffy white blanket and all I can do is dream of spring. The almanac says, "Snow is poor man’s fertilizer." After the abundance of this winter, I expect my soil to be especially prolific. So, I’ll order some seeds and come summer, don’t be surprised if you find a glistening basket full of produce on your doorstep.  Dig deep. I'll wrap a few x-rated peppers in brown paper and hide them under the tomatoes. Don't serve them to your granny. They’re hotties in every sense of the word.